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my mellow little heart + socialising at the latest stage

December 31, 2011

Seems that I get most effective in writing either if I was intellectually critical or challenged or when I become mellow.

My little mellow heart. A feature I inherited from my rather undaring and yet curious-within-boundaries teenage soul. Why is it that if one gets older, one has to leave or try to ignore it? One reason is I guess that you find less and less acceptance from other people that want to learn about what you go through. The older we get, the more our capacity to listen to others problems vanished and gets replaced by the amount of own sources of mellowness in their lives. I don’t deny that this happens to me too. But somehow, outlets still need to be there at times. And as I learn, even pouring out becomes opportunistic. As the time and world moves on you find yourself seeking for peace and enlightment with different people at different times. Now, it could be anyone you have the right moment to talk with. Isn’t that interesting? It farthers from the learned concept of having the same best friends that you always had in school n stuff. But that’s somehow signalising the socialising model of the age. Relations are, pretty much transitory and on the other side without much burden on both sides. You may lose contact, but after ages you meet again, you may resume the relation at a similar intensity as if nothing happened. What further defines it is the intention and interest of why and how you maintain the relation.

I am curious of how it develops in the upcoming 10-20 years… Keep staying as liquid as water, adjusting yourself to flow through whatever shape..

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in denial of correlating ratio and emotionally-producted perceptions

December 23, 2011

There is a struggle in me in knowing conciously that I need to perceive rational reality rather then getting mixed up with subjective and emotionally-provoked thoughts, perceptions and assumption. Accepting what lays in front of the eye and keeping your mind from interpreting anything else beyond an action or attitude is hard. The latter is really hard. How can one stop oneself from relating thoughts with intuitively perceived contexts? What do you have in hand if all you feel is just warm air? I’m blindfolded and out on a search for something familiar, something to hold on. Blind and thirsty, walking forward and not knowing when I will reach the oasis and the comfort of home. So I try to shut down my thoughts and overplay them with good memories and the present’s entertaining and fulfilling moments..

I pamper myself with a lot of hope, hopes as high as a skytower, or even as high as a mountain. With full awareness that if it wasn’t to be fulfilling the hope I might fall into a hole, not knowing how deep it might be. But that’s alright, I take the stakes, for you will not to the safe harbour if you don’t take risks.

For now, I sail my boat in the mid of the sea, going where the wind takes me, but always towards the sun – that shows me the way home.

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Contemplating on Post-9/11

September 7, 2011

This morning I opened by FB and found another interesting question to think about. I decided to answer through my posting here.

The posting was made by Hanum Salsabiela Rais (@hanumrais)through her tweet:

“Hanum Salsabiela Rs wrote: Do you think the US actions after 9/11 make the world a safer place? Share your thoughts:)”

That’s a good question. But what started with absolute hatred towards religious groups through extreme shock and victimizing in US had to go through a revolution of the understanding of people. It would take more than one presidential term to generate genuine understanding in the minds of people, and diminishing racism. Military actions were a help in some ways.. What we all learn from all this is to build a better sense of awareness towards things and cultures around us, and urging us to understand thoroughly before judging others. Intellectually, us, the people moved towards a more positive state. Fear or paranoia can only be treated by giving understanding. And, as I learn, also Indonesia is taking a great role in educating the western society about the moderate Islam, as a part of public diplomacy.

What do you think? Feel free to share your opinion or point of view :)

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CROSS-CULTURAL vs. INTERCULTURAL (via IXMATI communications)

May 3, 2011

By Mari D. González Searching for blog articles on intercultural online communication, I found one on a well- respected social media blog. To my disappointment, not only did the author use “cross-cultural” to mean “intercultural” but she also argued that most people, even academics, use the terms “interchangeably”; when I tried to clarify the differences in the comments section, she responded that I didn’t need to bother explaining. This is what … Read More

via IXMATI communications

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Boiling Point – By the time all water flows into one pot (Wenn alles zusammenläuft)

February 6, 2011

 

This is what happens when you hit the human emotional boiling point (in German language)

Life ain’t easy at times. Yes, i just got this recalled again.

The events and stories that i perceived within the last days were enough to make one hit an emotional boiling point. And by emotional boiling point, i do not necessarily mean it to be only sadness, only anger or anything like it. For me, this boiling point becomes so odd as it puts all emotions you can feel together in one day.

I deeply felt sympathy as one Indonesian politician passed away just a day ago, knowing that he was one of the people who many people seemed to have looked up to our held on to. Also to the family, that was just starting. I deeply felt sorry for them. Who would know when one’s time would come. Theories over theories might have been talked about on the media, but about death or the most unbelievable chance of life, nobody can really predict. A question had been posed by Twitter friends.. “Will I be ready if God were to take me today?”

… i believe, we all would need to think about it quite a while to find an answer to this and maybe after a time still be speechless for answering it. I personally felt quite hit by that line, as i wasn’t sure for that myself. Sure, if you are not of a certain age, you wouldn’t achieve as much and be able to prepare as much so that what you started can be taken up by others or commemorated in a valuable way, or make others more ready in seeing the possibilities that the certain life-end may come their way. The actual question is: “Was life well -spent until now?”

There are times you are put on hold for moving towards a direction because you simply have to overgo a certain process first before you take the next step ahead. Patience is here the demand, as well as diligence and a constant consequent awareness of why we stay put for this moment – in order to achieve the next step. I believe I’m in such a condition at this moment. I believe that there are some transitory things that I need to learn, understand and undergo first, before i start something greater, because i believe, what i learn now, can only help me to become a solid rock once I take a step ahead. I believe this is the best way of making sure you are not naive; your burdens do not overtake your capacities. For me this all takes a great amount of patience. And yes, of course,  ;) not only for me.

I am so eager to do something new now. Yet i know it’s just not the time yet. The impatience is just showing first signs of surfacing… just like a water kettle about to boil and sound.. i’m just afraid that if i got hooked up with the routine, i forgot to take the opportunities for the next thing towards the goal(s).

Opportunities… yes, that is also a word became one of the “words of the weekend”. Today’s life is very opportunistic oriented because the chance for equal opportunity for everyone, may it be on the job market, on the academic ladder, in career and life becomes bigger. Opportunities however should not blind us to stick to profound principles. I felt disappointment hearing that a friend didn’t seem to be able to recognize that values sometimes are still to be upheld, rather than opportunities. But it’s a choice for everyone, either you become ice-cold with your decision, respecting nothing else around you, or you do it professionally, choosing to meet a path that may suit best for resolution of matters, or you just sit still. The latter of course, could only do harm to yourself. There is where you need to have the courage to stay professional. Taking opportunities yes. But i believe, as adult one should have become smart enough to recognize, how unwise one can be if we run away from a responsibility.

Uncertainty. Life is uncertain, and that makes one feel sadness, anger or disappointment, as parts of hope begin to shade. You will not know what life holds for you, yet you are the one in charge of it. Best thing is that you plan ahead wisely, act as needed, but try the best in everytime you work towards something. Whatever is the outcome of your work is not always apparent, yet, if it was a failure, it was still valuable to have learned the lesson of what you should avoid or do better the next time you try. Uncertainty definitely brings along that you have to wait to receive an answer, for an application process, for a decision, for a further step in your daily work. If nothing is defined, i guess it is still best to turn to one’s self again and start to build a inner point of certainty deriving from…

Faith. This again, is another very abstract word with lots of beautiful meanings that can be laid out. Faith is one great gift that was given to us by God. When we feel small, when we feel things start to crumble, when we are in the dark, alone, or when we sit in front of a massive stack of paper, documents to work on, then it is us and our incredible faith that can lift us up and make us sit or stand up straight again. When in doubt, call God. :) You will receive the faith that is a blessing to face your day. No matter how ugly, plundering, disgusting, disgraceful, crushing your day might be, you will still see the light at the end of the road leading hmm.. let’s say towards the gates of a City of Lights, opening up more chances for you to make your life worthwhile and wholesome again.

On boiling point, sit still, give it a breather, and keep the faith

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25 things i should maintain in my routine

June 13, 2010

I have to admit there is a lot that is still missing in my everyday, to maximize the quality of life in some way. Today, i start the reflection on what i should introduce or maintain in order to stay fit, physically and mentally balanced and fun :)

1. Go swimming every weekend. – I feel like cripple by now with all activities going on
2. Go to the movies more often. – I really gotta catch up on my literacy of movies soon.
3. Fill the saturday nights with some more getting around. – Sometime it’s just stop for being much at home.
4. Fill the sunday with relaxing and fun activities only as much as there is time for it.
5. Have a massage and totok wajah at a regular time. – Hmm… make the stress of the week go float away. :)
6. Do more singing. – It definitely frees and unleashes one’s soul. :)
7. Do a better scheduling of the day/week to get a better overview of all assignments to do. – Now – Chaos!
8. Take some multivitamine supplement  that really helps.
9. Drink Milk before going to bed every day. :) At least for me it works.
10. Share some more L.O.V.E. ;)
11. Find a new thing to learn and thrive in. – Shall it be language, photography, writing, fashion, singing, .. ?
12. Target to read one book per month. – Ain’t bad for a relaunch, ya.. ? :)
13. Do more short-trip vacations with friends.. or even alone.. ?
14. Write a blog entry every week to make sure my writings wouldn’t go gaga.
15. One new meal a week. :)
16. Start up with small saving. – Maybe with frozen accounts (forced saving so to say)
17. Re-innovate my style every 2 months. :)
- i start running out of ideas-
18. Drive more regularly!
19. Look for more opportunities of development here and abroad.
20. Treat myself accordingly if i did something well. – The point is in self-appreciation. :)
21.  Maintain social activities every now and then with friends.
22. Review some of the material once learnt in courses/school/college/uni once in a while.. – one never knows what one can find
23. Really try to maintain good order with my things. :) ahahaha.. leave the chaos, embrace the order ! :)
24. Planning for an annual event, like one long holiday or one social event that i could really look forward to.
25. And most importantly.. to keep the balance.. turn to Allah, as for all matters in life – in the most difficult time, it is the best way to be able to get along with all that happens around us.

This numbering does not reflect the order, nor priority of the mentioned statements. Rather more a reminder of all important things that should keep us alive in a reasonable way. :)

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Catching up.

June 6, 2010

After i had a look at what i had been writing, i was both disappointed, because i hadn’t been posting anything for a long time and on the other side a bit surprised/proud of myself to see some postings that i wouldn’t have remembered that i could convey messages in such a language. As another point, i feel that the writings of mine had to be polished again.. I feel kinda rusty now. That’s a shame. I guess, by the time one is in the process of writing.. like in the last two years, thesis-writing, reading, inquiring, introspecting, reflecting, analysing, interpreting, revising, interviewing, re-writing, speed-reading, speed-writing and a burnout at the end which made me work with more good results… (oops, ok i cut it). So what i meant was, when one is in the process of writing anyway, one is definitely more productive to create some additional articles that can be posted i.e. in a blog like mine.

It seems that if you are in the process of writing, the world is full of things to wonder and contemplate about, every detail worth to be analysed from one’s own point of view. (i intentionally do not refer to phenomena! i am somehow in the idea that there must be some other word than that! :p )  Besides that, i figure, for all of that you really need the time to do so.

Time, i would say is definitely something that i didn’t much appreciate within the last years i had spent out of the academic path. Sad but real, what i had to deal with is how to get several things done by a similar time. I seem to have indeliberately chosen the path of letting every matter run and get stuck in my head. Now, the difficulties then had been to get them out again. There is however only one way.. If the task is done. But once the task is done, there should be a lesson learnt out of it, shouldn’t there be? I don’t think i really can still pull the red thread out of it once i’m done with an assignment. Kind of sad, but i guess it’s again about reorganizing everything again. Shortened, at the moment i have to admit that it’s most like a mess.

And this is what i meant by postings that ran down in quality.. i think one has to have time to reflect about certain issues in order to really dwell in it and give birth to another worth readable piece of writing. A quest of exchanging experience, knowledge or feelings that can also be a use or least an entertainment to everybody. For actually i hope that educating others would be my primary objective. I reviewed my posting on the Gaza conflict some months ago, and i had a look at the last few i posted. Ckckck.. i gotta get to the standard of my Gaza conflict posting again, if not better. It’s a MUST! :D

At this stage of life i shall say, there is a lot that is still waiting for me and still opening up. Some opportunities for me are getting interesting. I believe, at this point, i have to contemplate on what has been done and what i still have to do and knowing on how to do it. There is a real need to clean up all mess in life and to sort it into the system again that worked to perfectly for my life. In order, in balance – for all mind/body/soul. What happened that i can’t keep the balance up again, I wonder…?

I’ve been dreaming, yes.. i have.. And thus the result had been my favourite things posting. Yes i believe i do long to see all of that again soon :) But for another thing, i could stop dreaming and (partly) start living it. :) I found a comfort within the past months, and i am in my highest hopes that in the months ahead i will be able to explore that hope even more. I am really grateful for being blessed with this, for something that I did not expect until it happened, and for what i had been fighting much as i could in order to make it real. I wish i could share, but i will do later.. when the time is right. :)

i hope i will be posting more.. :) as per the next 2 weeks, there is definitely going to be some Milestone to come… I think i start posting a 25 things-series soon :)

Til then, stay tuned, stay fresh and happy, peeps!

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A Series of Quotes #1

September 23, 2009
Love and Friendship conversing. (courtesy of GettyImages)

Love and Friendship conversing. (courtesy of GettyImages)

 

One day, love and friendship met.

Love asked, “Why do you exist when I already exist?”

Friendship smiled and said, “To put a smile where you leave tears.”

 

Posted by Ira Anastasia on FB. Sept 23, 2009.

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I give up, I give in…

August 30, 2009

I have to say I am very confused at the moment with my state of mind, reason and emotion. I am now admittingly in the regular monthly period of having my period, yes, but I guess, that shouldn’t explain everything that I do, feel or am going through.

I discover another phase of irrationality, and a phase of myself not being able to control what I do 100%. I live for other people, I live for the sake of getting assignments done, but I do not do them all in an enjoyment. A part of me always seems to get lost, and get loose from all responsibility and burden that is on my mind and flee to what I presently imagine as state of total happiness.

The state of total happiness though, is at the moment a state, that I can only half experience and half only imagine. Because in this story of that particular state, it takes two to accomplish that total happiness of mine.

I haven’t been mentioning any part of such story previously, as I want to be careful and cherish every moment of it for as long as I’m granted to by God. I start to feel that I’m getting into a crazy state, where I check my handphone every five minutes at least, every 30 seconds when I’m online; I check my mails for the sake of seeing some bit of news every day; I check Facebook for a Million Times a day for my profile and also his profile; I wait, despite the fact that I know I shouldn’t, in front of the computer every night and every free day I have to see a new message blinking on my desktop or a videocall opportunity. And what starts killing me most is, if I don’t know what he was up to at this moment.

I start to feel guilty and I am very sad that I feel I could turn kinda obsessed, and I feel that I have to loosen my belt a bit here. I don’t want him not to have any room to breath anymore, and I also cannot do so because I am not sure whether it is actually “legitimate” for me already to interfere into his life like that. I know for sure, that I don’t want to distract or annoy him, for God’s sake, that was the very last thing I wanted. And besides, I shall not even know whether I’m actually good for him or good enough to him. God knows there are a lot of things that he’s more correct in doing, that he’s more controlled in conducting or even more organized. When I look at me now, I feel like a total mess. Looking at me, my desk is so messed up, my thoughts are so messed up and also my tasks are not properly done… Not to mention about routine things I should do.. (oh my!) : M.E.S.S.Y. (and now, i feel so bad to be one of the particular reasons of why he’s unwell or sick)

At the edge of it, by the end of the day, I feel jitters going through my whole body from top to toe back and forth EVERYDAY… and I don’t even know how to get over these jitters for the meantime. All I know, is that I miss him so…

I wonder, by all this craziness, whether it is still normal what I do/feel…?

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movie time!

August 21, 2009

dear all.. due to an exam that requires to watch a movie, i found this one, recommended by a friend,

http://www.movieberry.com/?user=41061

what do you think? :) have fun watching movies :)

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