Pop back up – and be you.

Whenever do you decide, it is the right time? Right. You never do.

Time to be. Time to do. Time to love. Time to make love. Time to pull together. Time to unleash. Time to get angry. Time to get nasty. Whatever.

What we do is evolve and adapt. Grow by circumstances. Grow through the fear and depth and all the grueling parts that life can offer, in order to show ourselves we still pop back up standing upright despite all the stuff we faced or went through mostly without much anticipation. Training the popping-back-up muscle that is.

Popping back up still never leaves you to be the same person that you were before a smack-down moment. Maybe thankfully, we are not.

I know though – for myself, it had been a long time coming that I carried a lot of baggages of fear and insecurities around that hindered me in expressing myself or appearing myself. Unconscious societal expectations just kind of pushed me down and with financial challenges, I have to say I wasn’t honestly motivated to put myself first, but to ensure all needs for the everyday life were met.

I am coming nearer to a closure of myself to accept that there’s always gonna be the situation where I’m the odd one out in societal terms, just because I was not as homogenously exposed to what my generation in my place of living.

I wouldn’t say I am plunging into drastic changes, no. It just makes sense bit by bit to change stuff after I could unstrangle myself from some things, I loosened some shackles, i could get back to the water surface after I untied a weight that pulled me down.

Some may have seen me in these times, some have heard more, some less. Those who were there should know it’s been tedious, dreadful, resentful maybe, sometimes tiring to hear and see me in that heavy air for months to years. But I applaud and appreciate everyone who saw me through, who could understand that it was just a heavier part of my journey they witnessed.

I may still have some fears, but I am entitled to face them and understand them in my own good time. Good peeps know, the only thing is just to stand by me and wait it out til I come back in full swing.

So yea, f*ck it. This IS gonna be me.